Book Club ~ Karen Harbaugh: Miss Templar . . . (Chalice of Roses) (Feb. 15-22)

[Trixie]

Hi Karen,

I just wanted to say that I rally loved this story and the Dragon one too.  I hope you write more too.

thanks!

[Kim]

I've met people who seemed uninteresting or maybe like somoene I had nothing in common with.  Not a bad thing, just a we don't click thing.  But when he started talking about whatever his passion was (even though it was something I had no passion for) he seemed to come to life.  All of a sudden, he wasn't this person I had nothing in common with, he was an interesting, engaged, lively person.  When someone has passion for something, it seems to transform him. 

[Kim]

But if you have no expectations of the other person, why bother, right?  Surely, you have to have some?

[Kim]

But if a person has a true purpose, wouldn't he figure it out?  I'm just thinking that he'd have to know it if it was his true purpose.  Wouldn't he?  How sad.

[Kim]

Trixie, you make a really good point.  You can shrug off someone else's expectations, but you can't shrug off your own.  You can't run away from yourself.

[Gin]

My therapist is always yellling at me (it's okay -- it's the only way she can get through to me sometimes) because I accept and excuse in other people, the very same failure to meet expectations that I berate myself for endlessly!

[Sara C.]

Funny, Barbara!  I read them in the same order. :) 

Me too.  And loved them all.  Let me second or third or whatever number we're up to the request for MORE!

[Kim]

Thanks so much for joining us during this very busy week, Karen.  We are so glad you were here. :) 

[Kim]

Gin, I do the exact same thing.  I tell other people,"Be gentle with yourself" but I expect perfection from me. 

[Sue]

I often fail at my expectations.  I sit on the couch and feel guilty instead of doing what I should be doing which is writing.  Then I justify it by saying I need to relax. I've got a full time job.  yada, yada.  All excuses.  It's because I'm scared to write the next scene.  Of course, when I finally sit my butt down the scene is never as bad as I'd imagined in my head.

[Sue]

I work with teens and the ones who believe they have a purpose are so much more focused and blessed. 

Sometimes I think we've taken away too much from our kids -- they don't feel like they contribute to the household and they're rudderless.  I'm not suggesting child labour, but boy didn't those Ingills girls know they mattered  to the very survival of the family (The Little house on the Prarie girls -Laura and Mary) ? 

I don't know how this fits into everyone having a higher purpose, but if kids are made to feel they matter and that what they do is important (and I don't mean getting A's or winning soccer), then they're more likely to find something meaningful in life.

[Sue]

What kind of expectations are you looking for in the other person?  To make you happy? To keep you fed? To make you laugh?

This is a good question.  I started thinking about all the expectations I have of my husband, and I realize in some ways that's a bit of a burden for him.  If my expectation is that he always shovel the driveway when do I learn I can do it.  In the same way, if I always take care of submitting our benefits when does he learn he can do it too?  Maybe these aren't expectations but roles we've fallen into.

[Sue]

In parts of Asia, you'll see young kids ( 7 years old) looking after younger siblings while their parents are elsewhere: feeding them, changing them, etc.  I'm sure accidents happen, but I was impressed by how well these kids cared for their siblings.

[plaatsch]

countries other than the US often still have remnants of this. I mean, in both France and England, kids of 14 or so have to choose which subjects to study which will lead to exams, which will lead, often, to only certain university subjects and specific sorts of careers.

In a way, it would be cool to make some of those decisions early, but on the other hand, wow, the pressure...

Oh, wow, I didn't fully realize, but you're right, I bet that educational system must be related to that apprenticeship model.

Well, you see the magical reflection of it in Harry Potter, when they have to choose elective subjects in their 3rd year and they have to get certain grades in certain things to be able to go on after 5th year and what they pass relates directly to the careers open to them. For example, at the beginning of book 6, Harry thinks he can't be an Auror because he didn't get the best possible grade in Potions and Snape won't let him into the higher level class. JK Rowling didn't just make it all up ;)